‫- I COULDN'T SHAKE WHAT WAS ‫KEEPING ME AWAKE.
‫THAT JAKE SAID HE LOVED ME.
‫I DIDN'T SAY IT BACK, ‫AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHY.
‫WHAT I DID KNOW WAS ‫WHY I LOVED ICE CREAM.
‫IT WAS A DELICIOUS, ‫COMFORTING AND CRUEL REMINDER
‫OF HOW COLD I MUST HAVE SEEMED ‫WHEN I LEFT JAKE HANGING.
‫BUT I NEVER LEFT ‫MY HOODIES HANGING
‫BECAUSE IT WAS ‫OBVIOUS I LOVED THEM.
‫THEY WERE VERSATILE, ‫GOOD FOR ALL SEASONS
‫AND COULD HIDE ME FROM THE ‫PROBING, LATE NIGHT QUESTIONS
‫I DIDN'T WANNA FACE.
‫SO I DIDN'T KNOW HOW I FELT.
‫I KNEW HOW TO READ A LABEL.
‫THE LABEL WOULD TELL ME HOW LONG
‫IT WOULD TAKE ‫FOR MY PROBLEM TO GO AWAY.
‫SIX WEEKS. THE SAME AMOUNT OF ‫TIME IT TOOK JAKE
‫TO KNOW THAT HE LOVED ME.
‫MAYBE I DID KNOW.
‫BUT I DIDN'T REALIZE IT YET.
‫BECAUSE IT WAS TOO SOON.
‫AND THAT WAS OKAY.
‫NOBODY FALLS IN LOVE OVERNIGHT.
‫- IT HAPPENED OVERNIGHT.
‫- I'M IN LOVE.
‫- OR MAYBE THEY DO.
‫- I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BEST FRIEND ‫IS IN LOVE AND ENGAGED!
‫- AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "IT ‫HAPPENED OVERNIGHT"?
‫CONSIDERING THAT ALLY'S LONGEST ‫RELATIONSHIP WAS WITH NICOTINE,
‫HER SPONTANEOUS ENGAGEMENT ‫SEEMED A BIT SKETCH.
‫- DETAILS. WE WANT THEM ALL.
‫- DAN. THAT'S HIS NAME.
‫- YOU WERE ALWAYS ‫SO GOOD WITH DANS.
‫- MM-HMM. ‫- WHAT DOES HE DO?
‫- UGH, SOMETHING BUSINESS-Y.
‫I'M NOT CLEAR ON EXACTLY WHAT, ‫BUT THE MAN IS FLUSH.
‫AND THE MAN DRIVES A PORSCHE
‫WITH A PERSONALIZED LICENSE ‫PLATE THAT SAYS--
‫- "DAN THE MAN"?
‫- YES! GOOD GUESS.
‫- IT WAS EDUCATED.
‫IF THE DUDE WANTED ‫TO MARRY ALLY,
‫HE HAD TO HAVE ‫QUESTIONABLE TASTE.
‫- DON'T JUDGE, LIL' BITCH.
‫BE GRATEFUL THAT YOUR FUTURE
‫UNCLE IN LAW CAN AFFORD
‫TO SURGICALLY PACK YOUR CANS
‫SINCE NATURE'S NOT GOING TO.
‫- LOVE HIM ALREADY.
‫- SO, TWO WEEKS AGO, WHILE I WAS ‫VISITING MY FOLKS,
‫I WAS WORKING DOWN ‫AT THE BEACH CLUB
‫WHILE I PRETENDED ‫TO LOOK FOR A JOB.
‫MEANWHILE, DAN WAS PRETENDING ‫TO WORK OUT
‫WHILE HE MADE IT HIS JOB TO ‫WATCH ME SWEAT.
‫[both chuckle]
‫- AND THEN YOU GOT TO KNOW HIM ‫AND HE SAID HE LOVED YOU
‫AND WHILE YOU WEREN'T SURE HOW ‫YOU FELT AT FIRST,
‫YOU SOON REALIZED THAT HE WAS ‫THE BEST GUY YOU EVER MET?
‫- NO. THEN WE WENT TO PARIS
‫AND HE PUT A 4.6 KARAT ‫ROCK ON MY FINGER. BAM!
‫- HE TOOK YOU TO PARIS?
‫- AND HE GAVE ME HIS BLACK AMEX.
‫- SO WHEN DID ‫YOU KNOW YOU LOVED HIM?
‫- I DON'T KNOW. ‫IN THE AIRPORT?
‫I CAN'T REMEMBER ‫ALL THE DETAILS.
‫CAN'T YOU JUST BE HAPPY ‫FOR ME?
‫- JENNA, WE SAW THAT.
‫- IT WAS A SUPPORTIVE EYE ROLL,
‫BECAUSE NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO ‫GET A JOB.
‫- I KNOW!
‫- I DON'T KNOW,
‫I JUST DIDN'T SAY IT BACK.
‫- SO YOU LEFT JAKE HANGING?
‫- NO, I KISSED HIM.
‫- OKAY, THIS IS PROMISING. ‫AND THEN?
‫- AND THEN I MIGHT HAVE SAID, ‫"AWESOME."
‫- HOLY PULLED GOALIE.
‫- EXACTLY, IT WAS PRE-EMOTIONAL ‫EJACULATION.
‫- NO, SAYING "AWESOME" ‫ON THE HEELS OF AN ILY
‫IS THE EQUIVALENT OF KNOCKING ‫SOMEONE UP WITH HEARTACHE.
‫- OR PEEING IN THEIR FACE.
‫- WHICH YOU WOULDN'T KNOW, ‫TINKLE-BELL.
‫- THAT'S RIGHT.
‫I HAVE AN EXPLOSIVE BLADDER.
‫IT HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN
‫SO STEP AWAY OR ‫I MIGHT SPRAY YOU.
‫OKAY, THINK FAST.
‫IMAGINE I'M AN UNHINGED, ‫OVER-MEDICATED HAIR STYLIST
‫AND I'M ABOUT TO MOW DOWN YOUR ‫MANE THAT YOU'VE BEEN GROWING
‫SINCE THE FOURTH GRADE UNLESS ‫YOU ANSWER
‫THIS QUESTION HONESTLY.
‫ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH JAKE?
‫ONE. TWO.
‫- IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T FEEL ‫SOMETHING.
‫IT'S JUST THAT I'M NOT SURE ‫I FEEL "IT".
‫- YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE.
‫- DON'T BE SO TENTATIVE.
‫GRAB 'EM!
‫- I LIKE IT WHEN ‫YOU TAKE CHARGE.
‫- AND I LIKE IT ‫WHEN YOU DON'T SPEAK.
‫- OH, YOU'RE SUCH A WOMAN.
‫- PIPE DOWN AND FEEL ME UP.
‫- I CAN'T STOP ‫THINKING ABOUT YOU.
‫AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME YOU DON'T
‫FEEL WHAT'S HAPPENING ‫BETWEEN US.
‫- OH, I CAN.
‫AND IF YOU'D SHUT UP,
‫I MIGHT LET IT OUT TO BREATHE.
‫- THIS ISN'T JUST SOME SORDID ‫AFFAIR, DOLLFACE.
‫I WANNA WIN YOUR HEART.
‫- I AM NOT, NOR WILL I EVER BE ‫YOUR DOLLFACE.
‫- WHY NOT? ‫- IT SHOULD BE OBVI,
‫BUT I GUESS I NEED ‫TO BREAK IT DOWN.
‫I DON'T DO BAND GEEKS.
‫AT LEAST NOT IN PUBLIC.
‫- AH, BUT I'M THE SCHWARTZMAN.
‫I AM THE BAND.
‫- THEN THIS IS ALL YOU GET.
‫- OKAY, SO LET'S ‫SAY I'M NOT IN LOVE,
‫WHICH I'M NOT SAYING.
‫WHAT DO I DO? ‫- BREAK UP.
‫- BREAK UP? WHY? ‫- BECAUSE IT'S NOT FAIR.
‫YOU'RE LEADING HIM ON.
‫- I'M NOT LEADING HIM ON.
‫I'M TAKING MY TIME.
‫- MATTY DID THAT WITH ME
‫AND HE CAME AROUND EVENTUALLY.
‫- WHEN YOU WERE IN ‫A NEW RELATIONSHIP.
‫BUT I LOVE BEING ‫JAKE'S GIRLFRIEND.
‫SEE, LOVE JUST ‫SLIPPED RIGHT OUT.
‫TOTALLY UNPROVOKED.
‫THAT'S A GOOD SIGN.
‫MAYBE I'M COMING AROUND.
‫- YOU DON'T JUST COME AROUND. ‫YOU KNOW.
‫LIKE WITH FRED, ‫I COULD TELL THE SECOND
‫HE PUMPED ME A CUP WITH MORE ‫FOAM THAN BEER.
‫HE COULD SENSE I WAS ‫A LIGHTWEIGHT.
‫- I THINK EVERYONE ‫COULD SENSE THAT
‫WHEN YOU WERE ‫BLOWING CHUNKS BY THE DOOR.
‫BUT, THAT DOESN'T ‫TAKE ANYTHING AWAY
‫FROM THE FACT ‫THAT YOU KNOW, MING.
‫'CAUSE PEOPLE JUST KNOW ‫WHEN THEY KNOW.
‫- BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW ‫WHEN YOU KNOW?
‫- HEY, BEAUTIFUL. ‫- DIE.
‫DAMN IT.
‫YOU JUST KNOW.
‫- AND YOU KNOW I'M THE ONE
‫AND ONLY JAKE ROSATI,
‫WITH A SPECIAL GUEST.
‫- MATTY MCKIBBEN.
‫- AND THESE ARE THE PALACE HILLS ‫MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS.
‫IT'S BLACK HISTORY MONTH, ‫TITANS,
‫AND SO TODAY WE HAVE A VERY ‫SPECIAL HISTORY LESSON
‫BROUGHT TO YOU VIA RECORDING ‫FROM OUR VERY OWN,
‫VERY WHITE HISTORY TEACHER, ‫MR. SAMUEL WOLLMAN.
‫- SO LAST NIGHT...ENDING UP ‫AT THE SAME PLACE.
‫THAT WAS A LITTLE AWKWARD. ‫- YEAH.
‫BUT NOT AS AWKWARD AS IT WAS
‫WHEN I TOLD JENNA ‫THAT I LOVED HER.
‫- WHAT? WHEN DID ‫YOU GUYS HAVE SEX?
‫- WE HAVEN'T.
‫BUT THAT'S OFF THE TABLE ‫BECAUSE I FREAKED HER OUT.
‫YOU KNOW WHAT ‫HER RESPONSE TO ME WAS?
‫"AWESOME."
‫- YEAH, ‫THAT'S BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SAY
‫"I LOVE YOU" ‫BEFORE YOU HAVE SEX.
‫- COME ON, MAN, ‫THERE ISN'T AN ORDER.
‫- DUDE YOU ARE SO JV. ‫[laughs]
‫RIGHT NOW YOU ARE AT THE ‫"I LOVE HANGING OUT WITH YOU"
‫OR THE "I LOVE ‫BEING AROUND YOU" PHASE.
‫YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BLOW
‫THE "I LOVE YOU" WAD ‫UNTIL AFTER SEX.
‫THAT'S THE CARROT YOU DANGLE ‫TO GET IT, BABY.
‫- I COULD JUST TAKE IT BACK. ‫- YOU CAN'T TAKE IT BACK.
‫IT'S OUT THERE.
‫NOW YOU JUST GOTTA PLAY IT COOL, ‫ALL RIGHT.
‫- EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, YOU'VE ‫NEVER BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE.
‫- AHA.
‫EVIDENCE OF MY LOVE.
‫NOTE THE BIG SMILE, ‫WARM EMBRACE.
‫NEED I SAY MORE?
‫HEY, DO WE LOOK IN LOVE?
‫THANK YOU.
‫IF I DIDN'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE,
‫I'D BE CONVINCED.
‫- BUT YOU DO KNOW THESE PEOPLE.
‫AND YOU DON'T NEED TO CONVINCE ‫ME OR ANYONE ELSE.
‫YOU NEED TO CONVINCE YOURSELF ‫AND MAYBE YOUR NOTEBOOK.
‫- OF WHAT?
‫- THAT YOU'RE NOT ‫STILL INTO MATTY.
‫- NO WAY. ‫THAT SHIP HAS SAILED.
‫IT WASN'T ENTIRELY TRUE.
‫MY FEELINGS FOR MATTY WERE ‫PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR.
‫BUT LIKE JAKE, I DIDN'T KNOW ‫HOW TO INTERPRET THEM.
‫WAS RESIDUAL LOVE FOR MATTY ‫CLOUDING MY NEW LOVE FOR JAKE?
‫- WE KNOW YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ‫MATTY, BUT WHEN DID YOU KNOW?
‫- IT WAS...AFTER WE HAD SEX. ‫- OKAY.
‫YOU HAVE TO HAVE SEX WITH JAKE, ‫THEN YOU'LL KNOW.
‫- I WASN'T SURE I WAS READY ‫TO HAVE SEX WITH JAKE.
‫IT WASN'T A QUESTION I EVER ‫PONDERED WITH MATTY.
‫I JUST DID IT.
‫DID I JUST NEED ‫TO DO "IT" AGAIN?
‫[bell rings]
‫- [chuckles]
‫- HEY.
‫- YO.
‫- I'VE BEEN THINKING-- ‫- THAT'S FUNNY.
‫BECAUSE, UH, ‫LAST NIGHT, I WASN'T.
‫I THINK I KNOW WHAT ‫YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY.
‫- WE SHOULD HAVE SEX. ‫- WHAT?
‫- [over intercom] ‫I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE SEX.
‫[all laugh]
‫- OH, UH, THE MIC.
‫- WAS THAT JUST-- ‫- YEAH.
‫SO, I HAD MEGAPHONED MY ‫MISSION TO BANG MY BO.
‫MAYBE NO ONE KNEW THE VOICE ‫OVER THE P.A. WAS ME.
‫- DUDE, YO I HEARD ‫JENNA HAMILTON ROLLS COMMANDO
‫SO SHE'S GOOD TO GO ‫AT ALL TIMES.
‫- APPARENTLY, ‫JENNA HAMILTON CAN'T LIVE
‫WITHOUT JAKE'S MAN JUICE.
‫- JENNA HAMILTON CAN'T ‫KEEP IT IN HER PANTS.
‫SLUT.
‫- I WAS OVERREACTING.
‫THERE WAS NOTHING TO AVOID.
‫NOTHING BUT-- ‫[both laugh]
‫MY PILE OF DENIAL.
‫WHICH I HAD STEPPED IN. AGAIN.
‫- I'M DOWN TO BONE.
‫- NICE TRY, DUDE, BUT THE GIRL'S ‫GOT HIGHER STANDARDS.
‫WHICH I WOULD KNOW FIRSTHAND.
‫COME ON, IT WAS A JOKE. ‫- NOT FUNNY.
‫- OKAY, I'LL QUIT.
‫SO... ‫- SO...
‫- YOU AND JAKE ‫ARE GONNA DO THE DEED.
‫- I REALIZE I MADE ‫A VERY PUBLIC PRONOUNCEMENT,
‫BUT I'M NOT READY TO DISCUSS ‫THE DETAILS WITH YOU.
‫- WHY NOT?
‫- UM, BECAUSE YOU AND I
‫WERE JUST SEALING THE DEAL ‫A FEW MONTHS AGO
‫AND BECAUSE IT'S WEIRD.
‫- MAYBE TALKING ABOUT IT
‫WILL HELP US GET OUT OF ‫THE WEIRD ZONE
‫AND PUT US ‫INTO THE FRIEND ONE.
‫YOU SHOULD LET ME CASUALLY ‫GIVE JAKE SOME POINTERS
‫ABOUT THE JENNA ‫DOs AND DON'Ts.
‫- WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ‫JENNA'S DOs AND DON'Ts?
‫- YOU KNOW, THE STUFF YOU DO ‫AND DON'T LIKE WHEN DOING IT.
‫- I DO NOT HAVE ‫DOs AND DON'Ts.
‫- OH, YES YOU DO. ‫REMEMBER THE PLAYHOUSE?
‫YOU WERE ON TOP OF ME, ‫AND YOU--
‫- DO NOT TELL JAKE TO DO THAT.
‫- I'M NOT GONNA ‫TELL JAKE ANYTHING.
‫BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS. ‫GO EASY, HE'S NERVOUS.
‫HE REALLY...LIKES YOU.
‫- WHILE THE JAKE CASE WAS STILL ‫UNDER INVESTIGATION,
‫I REALIZED THE MATTY CASE HAD ‫NOT GONE COLD.
‫IT WAS CLOSED 'CAUSE I FINALLY ‫KNEW SOMETHING.
‫MATTY AND I WERE FRIENDS.
‫- WHAT'S UP, SUICIDAL SLUT?
‫GET USED TO IT, SEX IS GONNA PAY ‫YOUR WAY THROUGH COLLEGE.
‫YOU'RE WELCOME.
‫- MMM, DOLLFACE.
‫- SKEDATZ, ‫I HAVE A CALL TO MAKE.
‫DON'T LOOK AT ME, KEEP MOVING, ‫PULL OUT YOUR PHONE
‫AND PRETEND YOU'RE ‫HAVING A CONVERSATION.
‫WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN US WAS ‫SUPPOSED TO BE A ONE TIME DEAL.
‫ONE AND DONE.
‫IT WAS VALENTINE'S DAY, AND I ‫WAS IN A VULNERABLE PLACE.
‫THIS MORNING WAS...HORMONAL.
‫DON'T READ INTO IT!
‫- I'M GONNA FALL APART ‫WITHOUT YOU, DOLLFACE.
‫YOU CAN LIVE WITH THAT?
‫I'M GONNA CRY.
‫I'M SERIOUSLY GONNA CRY RIGHT ‫HERE RIGHT NOW.
‫- FINE, MEET ME AFTER SCHOOL.
‫BUT CONSIDER IT A PARTING GIFT.
‫- I KNOW WHAT ‫YOU'RE DOING AFTER SCHOOL.
‫- EVERYONE DOES.
‫- IF IT ISN'T "INFO NYMPHO"
‫AND "PEED-HER-PANTS PANTS."
‫- I PREFER TINKLE-BELL, ‫THANK YOU!
‫IT'S FUN TO BE US.
‫- [over intercom] ‫JENNA HAMILTON,
‫PLEASE REPORT TO ‫THE VICE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.
‫- SO, I HEARD THERE MIGHT BE ‫SOMETHING YOU WANNA DISCUSS.
‫- NOPE. NOTHING.
‫- NOT EVEN...
‫CHUGGA-CHUGGA-CHUGGA ‫-CHOO-CHOO?
‫- DEFINITELY NOT THAT. ‫- ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.
‫- I'M GONNA GIVE ‫YOU A LITTLE ADVICE
‫THAT MY MOM IMPARTED ON ME.
‫ALWAYS BE A LADY IN THE STREET,
‫FREAK IN THE SHEETS, ‫AND QUIET OVER THE P.A. SYSTEM.
‫- YOUR MOM SAID THAT?
‫- ACTUALLY, ‫IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN USHER.
‫AND THE P.A. TIDBIT, THAT'S ‫JUST MY OWN RULE OF THUMB.
‫I FIND THAT SOMETIMES ‫IT'S BETTER TO USE
‫SUGGESTIVE GESTURES IN PUBLIC ‫RATHER THAN OVERT EXPRESSIONS
‫LIKE, "DO ME, BIG BOY." ‫- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
‫- NO WHAT YOU SAID ‫JUST SPELLED IT OUT.
‫AT LEAST "DO ME, BIG BOY"
‫HAS ALTERNATE CONNOTATIONS,
‫LIKE SPREADING MUSTARD ‫ON A FOOTLONG.
‫JENNA, I AM NOT TRYING TO ‫FURTHER YOUR EMBARRASSMENT
‫OR TURN THIS INTO A BIGGER DEAL ‫THAN IT ALREADY IS,
‫BUT YOU COULD GO TO JAIL! ‫- FOR WHAT?
‫- P.M.U.I.
‫PREMEDITATED ‫UNDERAGE INTERCOURSE.
‫- THERE'S NO LAW AGAINST ‫WANTING TO HAVE SEX.
‫- THERE IS IF YOU WANNA ‫HAVE SEX WITH A MINOR.
‫- WE'RE BOTH MINORS.
‫I'M NOT A PERVERT.
‫- WELL...
‫THAT'S STILL UP FOR DEBATE.
‫I MEAN, WE ALREADY KNOW
‫YOU HAVE A FETISH ‫FOR OPEN FORUMS.
‫- CAN I GO NOW? ‫- SURE, SEE YOU AT HOME.
‫- WHAT? ‫- OH, I'M GOING TO YOGA
‫THIS AFTERNOON WITH L-DAWG.
‫YOUR MOM.
‫DON'T WORRY, I WON'T LET HER ‫KNOW YOU'RE A HO-BAG.
‫- BETWEEN ALL THE HECKLES AND ‫HOWLS, I HAD COME TO MY SENSES.
‫SEX WAS NOT THE ANSWER.
‫- THE ANSWER IS YES. ‫- TO WHAT?
‫- TO THE QUESTION THAT REVERBED ‫AROUND THE HALL?
‫- THAT WAS MORE OF A STATEMENT.
‫- EITHER WAY, I'M IN.
‫- OKAY, SO I GUESS WE SHOULD ‫TALK LOGISTICS.
‫WHEN DO YOU WANNA DO IT? ‫- AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
‫- OKAY, HOW'S ‫TOMORROW AFTER SCHOOL?
‫- UH, I HAVE ASB. FRIDAY?
‫- OUT WITH MY DAD. DARN IT.
‫GUESS WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO WAIT.
‫AND MAYBE FORGET.
‫- OKAY, WELL LET'S JUST LOOK
‫AT NEXT WEEK ‫AND PENCIL IT IN.
‫YOU KNOW, SO WE DON'T FORGET.
‫IT LOOKS LIKE I COULD ‫SQUEEZE IT IN NOW. YOU?
‫- YOU'RE IN LUCK.
‫AND I WAS IN TROUBLE.
‫THERE WERE NO ‫TAKE-BACKS WITH SEX.
‫GOOD TO GO. WHERE TO?
‫- MY CAR? ‫- IT'S TOO SMALL.
‫- OH, YEAH.
‫WELL DOESN'T YOUR MOM ‫HAVE YOGA TODAY?
‫- YEAH, BUT SHE'S ONLY GONNA BE ‫GONE TWO HOURS.
‫- TWO HOURS.
‫I'LL BE LUCKY IF ‫I LAST TWO MINUTES.
‫- [chuckles] ‫- I MEAN...
‫UH, 20..MINUTES.
‫ARE YOU SURE YOU WANNA DO THIS? ‫WE DON'T HAVE TO.
‫YOU KNOW, ‫IF YOU'RE NERVOUS, OR...
‫- AND LIKE THAT, I WASN'T.
‫JAKE WASN'T LAYING ‫ON THE PRESSURE.
‫HE WAS BUCKLING UNDER IT.
‫I WANNA DO IT. ‫- YES!
‫I MEAN, IT'S COOL, BABY.
‫- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WANTED TO ‫DO IT IN YOUR CAR.
‫[kissing noises]
‫- I QUIT BAND. ‫- GOOD FOR YOU.
‫- BABE, I TRADED IN MY TENOR SAX ‫FOR MY TENDER SAXTON.
‫- THAT WAS IDIOTIC. ‫- I'M A FOOL.
‫FOOL FOR LOVE.
‫- WHAT THE HELL ‫IS WRONG WITH YOU?
‫I TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP AND YOU ‫KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE.
‫- I GET IT.
‫YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR ME.
‫I KNEW I COULD NEVER BE
‫WITH A GIRL AS FUNNY AND AS ‫SMART AND AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU,
‫BUT I HAD TO TRY.
‫- WHY CAN'T THIS ‫JUST BE ABOUT SEX?
‫- WELL, WE AREN'T HAVING SEX. ‫- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
‫- DON'T PLAY WITH ME, ‫DOLLFACE.
‫IF I DON'T HAVE YOU ‫AND I DON'T HAVE THE BAND,
‫I GOT NOTHING IN THIS WORLD.
‫- AW, JESUS, KISS ME ‫BEFORE I THROW UP.
‫- ARE YOU EXCITED?
‫- I CAN TELL YOU ARE. ‫- WE'RE DOING THIS.
‫WE'RE REALLY DOING THIS.
‫- OH...
‫- WE'RE NOT DOING THIS.
‫MOM ISN'T IT TIME FOR YOGA?
‫- ALLY HERE PERSUADED US ‫TO DOWN THE HATCH
‫INSTEAD OF DOWNWARD THE DOG.
‫WAIT A MINUTE, DID WE SPOIL ‫YOUR PLAN TO HAVE SEX?
‫- [gasps] ‫- [giggles]
‫- AND ON THAT NOTE, ‫NICE TO SEE YOU.
‫RAIN CHECK? ‫- RAIN CHECK.
‫[all giggle]
‫[doorbell rings]
‫WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
‫- OH, IT'S MY FAVORITE NIECE.
‫- I'M YOUR ONLY NIECE.
‫- DAN THE MAN IS YOUR UNCLE?
‫- JENNA'S ALSO HER NIECE.
‫- PLEASE TELL ME WE ARE
‫NOT ABOUT TO BE RELATED.
‫- SHE'S ALL YOURS. ‫- SO YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER?
‫- EVERYONE KNOWS JENNA.
‫SHE HAS A REPUTATION.
‫ARE YOU READY TO GO?
‫- JENNA, ISN'T IT FUN ‫THAT DAN IS SADIE'S UNCLE
‫AND HE WENT ‫TO PALACE HILLS, TOO.
‫ALTHOUGH HE MUST HAVE BEEN ‫A FEW YEARS AHEAD OF US.
‫- HOW ABOUT A DECADE?
‫MY UNCLE LIKE 'EM YOUNG.
‫WELL, YOUNG-ISH.
‫- THANKS, SWEETS.
‫HE'S NOT QUITE THE TEN I AM.
‫- LET'S BE HONEST, HE'S A FOUR.
‫AND SINCE WE'RE ‫ABOUT TO BE FAMILY,
‫I WON'T PULL ANY PUNCHES.
‫YOU'RE MORE OF A SIX. ‫YOU'RE WELCOME.
‫- YOU'RE PRETTY FUNNY ‫FOR A BIG GIRL.
‫- AND YOU'RE REFRESHINGLY ‫TRANSPARENT FOR A GOLD-DIGGER.
‫- AL, I'M WORRIED. ‫I REALLY THINK YOU NEED
‫TO SLEEP WITH DAN ‫BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED.
‫- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, YOU HAVEN'T ‫SAMPLED THE GOODS?
‫- OH, I'VE SAMPLED AND LET ME ‫TELL YOU, HE IS WELL-ENDOWED.
‫IN THE BANK. ‫- WOO WOO!
‫- WHY ARE YOU DEFLECTING. ‫- SHE'S GOT HERPES.
‫- I'M NOT GONNA LIE, I'VE HAD TO ‫GET PAST A FEW THINGS.
‫LIKE HIS BACK.
‫I MEAN, THE MAN MIGHT ‫BE PART-BEAR.
‫BUT HE THINKS I'M SMART
‫AND FUNNY AND BEAUTIFUL.
‫- [loud whisper] ‫HE'S TRYING TO GET LAID.
‫- HE SEES ME THE WAY I SEE ‫MYSELF.
‫PERFECT AS IS.
‫- THAT'S WHY I WANT OUR FIRST ‫TIME TO BE SPECIAL.
‫- BUT IT ISN'T YOUR FIRST TIME, ‫SO HOW CAN IT BE SPECIAL?
‫- OH, IT CAN BE SPECIAL.
‫YOUR DAD WAS SPECIAL. ‫- THAT DOESN'T COUNT.
‫HE WAS YOU ONE AND ONLY.
‫- [stifles laugh]
‫- SHH! ‫- [laughs]
‫YOUR MOM HAD A LIFE ‫BEFORE YOUR DAD.
‫BUT NOT QUITE THE LIFE ‫I'VE HAD.
‫- THAT IS CODE FOR HUGE ‫VA-JAY-JAY.
‫- I USED TO JUMP INTO THE SACK
‫THINKING IT WOULD ‫CLARIFY HOW I FELT.
‫- AND DID IT? ‫- NO.
‫IF THE FEELINGS ‫WEREN'T THERE BEFORE,
‫THEN THE SEX WAS JUST THAT. SEX.
‫BY THE WAY, LACE, ‫YOU COULD USE SOME.
‫WE'RE GONNA START MINING ‫YOUR NEW HUSBAND PROSPECTS
‫AT MY WEDDING. ‫[laughs]
‫- ARE YOU IMPLYING ‫THAT MY CURRENT HUSBAND
‫ISN'T GONNA WORK OUT?
‫BECAUSE...I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON
‫AND HE DESERVES BETTER. ‫[sobs]
‫I DON'T THINK ‫HE LOVES ME ANYMORE.
‫- YOU KNOW, IF YOU DRINK ENOUGH ‫WINE, IT TASTES LIKE LOVE.
‫- I'M GONNA GO TO MY ROOM.
‫- SKINNY BITCH. ‫all: YEAH?
‫- I'M LEAVING IN THREE MINUTES ‫SO YOU BETTER DEAL
‫WITH THIS EMOTIONAL ‫CRISIS QUICKLY.
‫I'LL BE IN THE CAR.
‫- I HATE HER. ‫- I LOVE HER.
‫[phone rings]
‫- DOLLFACE?
‫- DID YOU MEAN ALL THOSE THINGS
‫YOU SAID TO ME TODAY?
‫- WHICH ONES? ‫- ALL OF THEM.
‫- YES, OF COURSE.
‫- DO YOU HATE ME?
‫- NO.
‫- DO YOU LIKE ME? ‫- MAYBE.
‫- CAN I TAKE YOU TO DINNER?
‫- DON'T PUSH IT, ‫BUT CALL ME LATER.
‫- YES!
‫- ON MY QUEST ‫TO FIGURE OUT MY FEELINGS,
‫I WAS LEFT ONLY MORE CONFUSED.
‫IF SEX WOULDN'T ‫CLARIFY ANYTHING,
‫WAS IT WORTH THE RISK?
‫- HONEY?
‫I AM SORRY WE GOT CARRIED AWAY ‫WITH ALL OF THAT GIRL TALK.
‫I DID NOT MEAN ‫TO EMBARRASS YOU.
‫- DON'T WORRY, ‫IT WASN'T THE FIRST TIME.
‫- AND IT WON'T BE THE LAST.
‫- MOM, WERE YOU IN LOVE WITH ‫THE OTHER GUYS YOU SLEPT WITH?
‫- GUY. THERE WAS ONLY ONE.
‫AND I DON'T KNOW IF I WAS IN ‫LOVE WITH HIM.
‫WE HAD SEX BEFORE ‫I KNEW HOW I FELT.
‫BUT WITH YOUR DAD, IT JUST...
‫IT ALL HAPPENED ‫AT THE SAME TIME.
‫JENNA, CONTRARY TO THE ADVICE
‫I'VE BEEN GIVING ALLY, ‫YOU NEED TO KNOW
‫THAT EVERY FIRST TIME ‫IS THE FIRST TIME.
‫AND IT SHOULD BE SPECIAL.
‫- HEY. ‫- OH, HEY, BABE.
‫- PICK ME UP IN TEN.
‫I'LL BRING THE CONDOMS.
‫WELL, HERE WE ARE.
‫- YEP, HERE WE ARE ‫IN YOUR MOM'S MINIVAN
‫IN A DISCRETE LOCATION.
‫CALL ME CRAZY, BUT THIS FEELS ‫A LITTLE HINKY.
‫- DAMN IT, NOW YOU'VE RUINED
‫MY SURPRISED HIJACKING ‫OF YOUR VIRGINITY.
‫OH, RIGHT, ‫THAT'S ALREADY BEEN TAKEN.
‫- TOUCHE. OKAY, LET'S DO THIS.
‫- HOLD ON, HOLD ON, YOU'RE ‫GETTING AHEAD OF YOURSELF.
‫[van beeps]
‫MOONLIGHT ROMANCE. ‫- OOH, SWANKY.
‫- NECESSARY.
‫MY SISTER'S A BIG SLOB.
‫JUST TRYING TO MAKE IT-- ‫- SPECIAL?
‫COME HERE.
‫- UH, WAIT, WAIT.
‫UM...THIS JUST DOESN'T REALLY ‫FEEL RIGHT.
‫I JUST AM FEELING ‫A LITTLE EXPOSED.
‫- YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR SHIRT ON.
‫- NO. NO, ALL OF IT.
‫I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE DOING THIS ‫TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER
‫ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT, ‫AND YOU DON'T NEED TO.
‫I SAID WHAT I WAS FEELING.
‫WHAT I AM FEELING.
‫BUT I DIDN'T SAY IT ‫SO THAT YOU
‫WOULD SAY IT BACK ‫OR SLEEP WITH ME.
‫I SAID IT BECAUSE...
‫I CAN'T HOLD IT IN ANYMORE.
‫I DON'T WANNA DO THIS ‫UNLESS YOU DO.
‫BECAUSE IF WE DO THIS AND YOU ‫DON'T FEEL IT BACK...
‫THEN I DON'T THINK THAT-- ‫- THAT YOU CAN DATE ME ANYMORE?
‫- NO.
‫THAT I'D BE ABLE TO GET OVER ‫YOU, JENNA.
‫I JUST WANT THIS TO MEAN ‫SOMETHING TO BOTH OF US.
‫- AND IT WOULD, ‫BECAUSE I FINALLY KNEW.
‫I WAS IN LOVE.
‫BUT I DIDN'T WANNA ‫SAY IT IN A MINIVAN.
‫IT'LL BE WORTH THE WAIT.
‫I PROMISE.
‫- * NO ONE LIKE YOU
‫* NO ONE LIKE YOU
‫* NO
‫NEXT ON AWKWARD.
‫I CAN'T HAVE A WEDDING ‫WITHOUT A BASKET!
‫- ALLY'S LOST HALF HER BODY ‫WEIGHT ALONG WITH HER SANITY.
‫- CHANGE OF PLANS, DUDE, ‫I DON'T NEED A SUIT.
‫- GOOD THING, 'CAUSE ‫THIS MIGHT BE CURSED.
‫LAST TIME I WORE IT ‫WAS TO THE FORMAL.
‫- WHEN YOU GOT DISSED BY THAT ‫GIRL WITH THAT OTHER GUY?
‫WHO WAS THAT ANYWAY?
‫- YOU REALLY ARE THE FOOL.
‫ASK MATTY. ‫- GO TO HELL.
‫- YOU DON'T KNOW?